THE PANDEMIC ... THOUGHTS OF DEATH

 What if you get sick and you don't have money ? 

Its a question asked by many. All we can do then was pray and hope ... and hope that it won't happen to us. But came the last week of  August,2020 my wife got sick. Paracetamol and sponge bath could not bring down her fever below 38 and we started to get worried. The third day she started coughing incessantly. That same day, I too started to run a fever. The next day, it was  our second son who ran a fever. We don't have money to spare, we all stayed quietly indoor and just have our food delivered. We were afraid that neighbors might get wind of our situation lest we be sent to isolation. Luckily, the past 15 years they only see us outside when we're out to buy something or going off to work so we managed to keep things a secret.

The second day of my fever, I started to aching all over, something I feel then after a very tiring day at work. Then I lost my sense of smell and even water tasted like s**t. I started taking less and less food and spent most of my day laying around, sleeping most of the time even lacking the energy to read or tinker with my desktop computer. And to cop it off, I started to have dreams even when I'm half-awake.

First to come out of my dreams were thoughts of  two of my best friends in my youth. Genio who got killed in a rumble nearly 40 years ago and Sosing who died of sickness over 20 years ago. They were my best buddies in my younger years and seeing them bobbing and weaving as we sue to do when we play around made we feel young again. I knew it was a dream and I tried to wash them off for I was still trying to get back to my senses since I still have a sick wife to take care of and another sick son to worry about. I just said to them - you'll have to wait, I still have some business to take care of.

Fortunately, my 3 daughters only had mild headaches and no fever so they took care of their Mom. My son did not lost his sense of taste, just body pains and slight fever so he was doing okay. But I was always dead tired, and all I wanted to do was sleep and lie in bed. And then thoughts of death came to visit me in my dreams or daydreams.

There's nothing like the picture of us when my kids were just growing up. I was more than just a father to them - a playmate, a storyteller, a clown, a teacher, and a chef. My wife was everything - a lover, a friend, and a sweet rival for our kid's attention. Of course, I was a better storyteller, a funnier clown, a better teacher, a better cook, maybe even a better friend, but mothers surely know better how to melt their children's heart. We were in a book business, and I read a lot, but my kids showed no interest in reading. My wife, a mathematician, challenged them with numbers and fed them with Math problems to solve. I have to admit defeat. Remembering those days in my dreams was worth the sickness I was having.

So peaceful were my thought that I started to entertain the thoughts death - my own death. The kids are alright, employed and were done with their education. Sadly, I realized that having done my part in raising them, I am just then an excess baggage. Of course they would be saddened by my death but if my ailment doesn't subside, what else could I thought of then. Deep inside I was praying to God - "Let it be done according to Thy will." Its hard to explain the feeling - the lightness of being - so peaceful, and I was feeling no pain, just something in my throat that's making it difficult for me to breath at times. I told them not to worry for things are beyond us and all we can do was wait.

On the fourth day, I asked my eldest to call their doctor-cousin to seek help for my wife's condition was getting worse. She can't sleep because of incessant coughing and her fever hasn't ceased for days. By happy chance, her doctor-niece came to visit us dressed in protective suit. Saved by an angel, as I like

to refer to her - she prescribed us with antibiotics and even handed out some cash to buy medicines. A 5-day treatment of Arythromycin fixed me back to my old self, and my wife and kids got different prescriptions but they were all fine after 5 days. We were all tested positive but my 4 other kids were asymptomatic and after 15 days we were told by our doctor that we'll be fine from there on.

September, 2020, the COVID-19 count rose to its highest level. The community quarantine was still imposed on almost all parts of the country and future was still uncertain. But for me, and for us, it was a new lease of life.

I have always taught my kids that there's always a funny side in everything and if you can't laugh at something, there is something that need fixing. But for humor to be worth a smile, it nust come at the right moment, at the right time with the right people.

So when my eldest sister called to ask about our situation, and my eldest daughter answered "Okay naman, gumagalaw pa" (okay, they are still moving) - my sister did find the comment funny. Anyway, my eldest sister can't help being what she was and I loved her for it being always the first to offer help. You just can't imagine how we dealt with it after the phone-call. Its nice to know that for some minutes after the near tragedy we have something to laugh about.

As for me ... it was a new lease of life. My book of life I guess was not yet to be closed for I have more chapters to write.