IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN

      One sad thing about being a storyteller is that you cannot tell the "small miracles" that happened in your life for fear that no one would believe that they did happened. Those little secrets are confined within the family and it could simply be summed up into one little philosophy that I have imparted to my kids -- "never worry about things that you have no control of, Hakuna Matata. "

     Two years ago I learned how little we need to have a happy family. The COVID-19 scare was real and news of people dying from the pandemic that included 28 medical front-liners provided us with uncertainty if tomorrow will ever come. We were on our 40th day of Emergency Community Quarantine (ECQ) and only one thing was certain - we have to live one day at time. 

Our little bookshop, then the only means of livelihood had to be closed, and with no savings we have to make do with whatever we can our hands on at home. The ECQ was supposed to be for only 15 days, then was extended for another month by the end of March, 2020. Luckily we received the promised "Ayuda" (government financial assistance) of Php8000 from my eldest daughter's SSS, and additional Php5000 from the Local City government and Php4000 each for 4 family members as entitled to from DSWD. That was a cool Php29000 tax-free, almost the same as our monthly net earning from our store.

Two of my kids were also allowed to work at home, while my youngest who was on her last semester earned her college degree via on-line examination. For the first time in years I have all my kids under one roof and since we're all trapped in a 2 bedroom, 40 square meters space of a rented apartment, we have no other choice but to make do with the time we have together. We killed time sharing jokes and stories, watching movies together, and tinkering our personal computers.

I have saved over 700 books in my reading file so I thought at least I had all the time to read them. Yet I never got to touch them. Listening, talking and watching movies with my kids was never as exciting as before.  My wife, in her early 60's was still a beauty to beckon, so we usually spend our time recalling our wonderful moments together. I even neglected my habit of writing, for dreams no longer came as they use to, and only sharing our time huddled together freed us from ever thinking of how life would be after the pandemic has faded. 

Sometimes out of boredom, we did have some spats and arguments as we tried to patch things up in our family relationships. At times harsh words need to spoken to prove some points but as a family we managed to make amends as we have no better choice. Then came that day two years ago - my 61st birthday - we celebrated as if it were my last. 

I guess it was the first time that I really appreciated having a birthday for we treated past birthdays just like any other day and night passing. That day was different for I tried to review in my mind the past years as I never before and from that day on I was a changed man. Some 20 years ago, I thought I have reached a peak in my beliefs but knowing death could come any time with all the uncertainty gave me some sense of urgency - and that was to leave something of a legacy for my kids to remember me when I'm gone. It was also a day of my renewal of my faith for I sincerely thanked for all the blessing I've had in past life.

Then came another 1-month extension by the end of April. Then another by the end of May. June and July were the same as the pandemic worsened. Before the end of August, disaster struck as COVID finally infected me, my wife and one of my son. I tried to shake off the fear for knowing that we don't have the money to spare if ever we have to get ourselves confined in a hospital. My greatest fear was alarming our neighbors that may result of us having to be hauled off to ill-managed isolation wards. Luckily my four other kids did not show any symptoms and they turns caring for us.

Fever just won't die down after 4 days, then the dry coughs and shortness of breath, and the bland taste of foods that I had almost a complete loss of appetite. I started seeing faces of all the friends and loved ones I lost, and started praying to God that if it was my time, I was ready. Spent 3 days in bed, hardly eating and drinking, just waiting, and even told my eldest son what to do if ever we succumb to it. My wife had it worse with incessant coughing so I asked my eldest to call for help - to a cousin-doctor for some advice on what to do with our condition.

She did more than give advice. She came to us, checked our condition and even gave some money to but some medicine. I also called my siblings abroad and they did sent us quite a big sum to help us heal ourselves. We survived, and after 5 days recovered, a bit weakened but fit to see more days coming. hard to explain but being on a death bed for days truly was a sort of immersion that life's moments are gifts from Someone who holds the strings up above.

They say a picture can paint a thousand words. Surely it does - for it was one of the best day in our lives. An angel in green suit came to visit to save us from the pangs of death. I saw how love can heal. I saw how faith works. I saw how the game of life is played and how unpredictable the outcome will be. Ours is not question why things happen but to enjoy each moment while it last.

Life went on after that and many won't believe that the following year, 2021, turned out to the best year of my life. Truly, its never too late to be what you might have been ...